Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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