i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
