Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
