We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
