So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
