Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
