I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
