Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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