I just saw a hot homeless man
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Boobs speak an international language.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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