Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
