you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
