How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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