I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
