so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
