I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
