don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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