Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
