I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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