i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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