Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
