You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
