I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
