I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
