When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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