We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
