We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
