I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
as a side note pls kill me
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