$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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