He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
