xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
