I must be too annoying 4 u.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
