Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
