hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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