remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
