im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
