In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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