Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
