He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
