I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
