You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
