Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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