Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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