question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
