My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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