Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
