I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he shaved USA in his pubs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
