Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
