His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
