Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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