This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
