It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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