that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
