WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
