Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
